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Santa: A Christmas Nightmare

December 8, 2009

There is just something about Santa.  When you are little you are terrified of the really large guy with a weird red suit and way too much white hair.  So you are mad at your parents for making you sit on the weird guy’s lap.  Then you get older and you find out he supplies you will presents once a year.  Now you love him.  Then you grow up a little more and find out everyone has been lying to you all your life and now you are mad at your parents again!  It seems like parents would get much farther if they started all the Santa conversations with “once upon a time” and then tell the kids that just like that Santa thing, you are either on the Naughty List or the Nice List and anything we give you as a celebration of Jesus’ birth will be from real people.  But no.  Let’s go with the elaborate scheme that automatically chalks one up against us.

I don’t understand.  Why do we put our kids through this obvious torture?  Tradition?  If it was tradition for me to punch your kid in the face and your kid didn’t like it would you keep putting your kid through that just because the pictures were funny?  Doubtful.  (Some of you are thinking deep down inside that it might just be worth it for those pictures.)  And really who wants to let the random dude that got cut from ZZ Top, missed out on Halloween and has to wait a couple more months to weird his costume?  Hey kids!  Let’s all get dressed up and go take pictures with the fat guy in red that rules an entire race of elves (that look an awful lot like you) and forces them to work year ’round for him in the North Pole Sweat Shop!  It’ll be great!

Look at the faces of theses kids!  They aren’t hoping to be on the Nice List.  They are hoping to not be on the Dead List!  This year let’s give the kids a break!  Let them see the “beloved” Santa from a distance this year!

For those of you that still haven’t had enough of the faces, check out Sketchysantas.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. dmjames permalink
    December 8, 2009 2:52 PM

    I don’t really remember taking you or your siblings to SEE Santa. It was more of a story book and Christmas night fun time. Each of you,as you grew out of it, enjoyed helping your younger sibling believe and have fun with it. The distinction between make believe and what Christmas really was became clear to each of you as you matured. I don’t see a problem but taking a kid to a scary fat man could be an issue. dad

  2. December 8, 2009 3:11 PM

    hilarious!! we agree, our kids like to see Santa from a distance. They much rather prefer the 5ft talking toy Santa on our neighbors lawn… and so do I!!

  3. December 9, 2009 1:23 AM

    Brook. What the holy Hell has happened to you? Santa terrified you? Oklahoma is the boondocks? You don’t like traditional Christmas music or much else either. You may have moved away from Oklahoma, but no matter how hard you shake those feet that red clay just won’t come off. Might as well stop trying. Attempting to repudiate your roots is rather sad/

  4. I'm Brook James permalink*
    December 9, 2009 1:25 AM

    Oh come now. Let’s not get all bent out of shape because Christmas isn’t my favorite thing in the world. I am absolutely NOT trying to shake the red clay. I love Oklahoma! There is no dodging the roots here.

  5. December 11, 2009 12:32 AM

    Brook, you are not the only one who hates Christmas and gets called scrooge… I do to.

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