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I’m Just Not Enough

September 25, 2009

Yesterday was the day that we all loathingly refer to as “one of those days”.  We all know how it goes.  It starts with waking up early because you have to pee.  Then something else happens to wake you up prior to your alarm going off.  Then all hell breaks loose.  Yeah.  Yesterday was that day.  I am not a man of stress, but yesterday stress was overtaking me.  I have so much responsibility and so many things relying on me that MUST get completed.  As the church is making a huge move into a brand new and different era as the all encompassing media staff member, there is a good bit to deal with.  Well everything finally came to a boiling point just after lunch.  I just kept thinking all morning that once I had lunch and got some food in me (for the first time of the day) I would settle down and knock stuff out.  Lunch came and went.  My stress level and attitude didn’t.  My energy was gone.  My head pounding.

I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t keep going.  My day just didn’t seem as though it could be worse.  (It’s always funny to think that because most of the time we can look back and see so many other ways it could have been worse.)  I was trapped in this office, clawing to get ANYTHING accomplished, and hearing the rest of the staff in the other room taking a break and laughing and having fun.  I wanted to join but I had to keep working.  Then I finally gave up.  I didn’t quit working.  I didn’t start singing the lyrics “take this job and sho…”.  But I finally gave up mentally and spiritually.  It isn’t up to me to accomplish all this.  God is in control of it all.  He is directing all this.  No matter how hard I try…and I believe me I have tried pretty hard…I’m just not enough.  the person I am, the man I am, the organizer I am is just not enough to do it on my own.

I wasn’t willing to die to myself.  I wasn’t thinking that way, but I was living it out.  Deep down I wanted to do it all by myself.  Prove to the world that I’m good enough.  The end was still good, but the means were about me and my way.  I wanted it in my timing.  I wanted what I thought best.  Then I finally hit the wall.  I couldn’t go on that way.  I needed Him.  And guess what.  He was there.  Finally after all this time, I was surrendering all my crap to God.  He wanted to show me that I was incapable and that He is fully capable.  I like many of us just had to hit E and then He would provide.  And He did.

Realize today that no matter what you think or feel or have accomplished, YOU ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH.  You never will be.  BUT! in Him, you are perfect.  He is everything we need.  Everything.  Yes even the graphics and broken countdown clocks.  Thank you, God, for showing me that again. Today is all Yours.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 25, 2009 5:11 PM

    I love you.

  2. dmjames permalink
    September 25, 2009 5:14 PM

    Wise words…..dad

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