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Finally A Finalist!

January 30, 2009

So a couple days ago I got a phone call from an “unknown number”.  Normally I don’t answer these.  Actually usually I don’t answer these.  Well, to tell the truth I don’t answer most any call that I don’t know.  I’ve gotten some weird ones in the past.  Anyway, I decided that I would answer this one for some reason.  Maybe I was bored.  I don’t know.  But I did.  It was an associate producer from a certain show that I have been hoping to get on!  (Bear with me because I’m gonna be a little vague…not sure if I’m supposed to say much…oh well…if you can’t figure it out and don’t know then don’t worry about it…or just look back a few posts.)  I made it!  I’m a finalist!  All that is left now is to get a physical done (very funny to me but I’ll get to that) and then get put on a show!  Sweet.

So we set up a time for me to get my physical done (and yes men that know, it was the full deal…awkward).  Today was that day.  So I showed up to complete the task before me.  I had to pass a heart test, a lungs test and a drug test.  Cool.  No sweat.  I haven’t smoked pot in at least a month so I should be good (I’m kidding, mom, I don’t and never have).  Well the nurse that was administering all these test today was a very interesting lady.  She was of middle eastern decent (or however you would say that politically correct) and while she speaks fine English, her accent made it rather difficult to understand sometimes often.  So that was a little difficult.  But on top of that she didn’t seem to have much of a sense of humor either and for those of you that know me or read my blog very often…or once, you know that I’m on the other side of that and yet somehow tend to always get the people that are void of the sense of humor.  

Anyway, on to the medical stuff.  So I have to pee in a cup.  First task, not so tough.  I have been drinking water for the last 2 hours and am in serious need of rolaids relief!  The 30 minute wait in the lobby (with only 1 other person) didn’t make that more painful at all!  So the lady in her accent tells me specifically do NOT flush the toilet or wash my hands.  Ok.  Odd, but whatever.  So what do I do?  Remain a creature of habit and forget and flush the toilet!  Doh!  I hurry out to her (thankfully this wasn’t the look over my shoulder type of gig) and she gives me an awful death look and repeats to me that she specifically told me not to flush.  I know, I know!  My bad!  I didn’t mean to!  I am just a normal relatively clean human bean (yes Charlie Hall, I am pointing my bean towards Christ…sorry, Shane & Shane joke) and I flush!  Oh well.  

We move on.  Time for the breathing test.  Oh, wait…no!  We didn’t tell you this but we are sneaking in a vision test in there too!  Awesome.  Well, I wear contacts and have them in.  Apparently didn’t need to remove them for this.  Cool.  Now we are just flying along this vision test (going better than any other vision test in my life) and then if comes screeeeeeeeeching to a halt.  Next question.  “What number is inside the colored circle?”  Color Blind Test CircleWhat?  Beats the crap out of me!  I don’t see all the colors!  I suck at this game!  I could swear there is not a number inside the circle.  You just made these up to mess with me!  It’s all an elaborate scheme!  So I guess at some random numbers that look like they may fit in that circle.  I’m sure I got them all wrong.  Then she figured it out.  Oh, he’s color blind.  Then she had the genius idea that EVERYONE else has when they find out you’re color blind.  What color is this?  What color is this?  What color is this?  Ha!  No it’s not!  You really think it’s that color!  Loser.  Well, maybe not that bad, but you get the point.  So the first color was red.  The second was yellow.  The third blue.  The fourth was black.  No?  It’s not black?  What color is it?  It’s black right?  Hmmm…  Well, then I’m stumped because it sure looks black to me.  Finally she moves on to the breath test.  I apparently am supposed to blow into this tube hooked up to the computer.  I felt like I was giving Windows mouth to mouth!  (Maybe I want this computer to die so you have to buy a Mac now!  HAHAHA!)  Well, with the amazing accent, there was no explaining what I’m supposed to do here.  Just hold this tube thing and blow.  Ok.  Done.  That was easy.  Nope.  FAIL!  Crap.  Ok try again.  She tells me to try again.  Still no idea what I’m supposed to be doing here.  I thought I did good.  The little cartoon demonstration for little kids on the screen of the Big Bad Wolf blowing down a house of one of the three little pigs seemed to go correctly.  I started blowing and the house blew away.  That’s what’s supposed to happen right?  So what’s with the failing!  Again I failed.  I probably failed that test about 20 times.  I even took another breath and started blowing again when she looked away!  That didn’t help either.  Well apparently I was just supposed to blow the air really hard from the start (even though she keep egging me on saying, ” keep going, keep going, keep going”).  When I finally did that (for the first time) I passed with flying colors.

Finally we get to move on to the EKG or heart test.  She takes me to now the 4th room and tells me to put on the gown and emphasizes to only remove clothes from the top half of my body.  Great.  Now she thinks I’m a complete tool and has to spell everything out for me.  Wonderful.  So gown on (which matched my khaki cargo shorts and Adidas shoes perfectly…wait I’m color blind) she makes me lay down on the table/bed thing and forces me to relax.  How does that work?  Then she basically ripped the gown down to the point that I am really wondering why I put the effort into trying to tie that thing behind my head (pointless).  She proceeded to place about 10 stickers on my chest and legs and administer the test.  Cool. I passed!  Great job.  Oh now she decided to RIP of all the stickers.  I swear if she had a few more of them she could have waxed my legs with them!  And, yes, that is pain shooting over my body.  Good times.  

Well, I will spare you the rest, but the point is that I am physically in good enough shape to be on the show.  After watching the show, those of you that do will understand this, I was very surprised to find out that I had to get a physical to be on the show.  I don’t know how many people I have watched fall on the show that I’m sure struggled to do that breath test (or maybe they knew what they were doing or had it explained to them so they didn’t feel like they had just held their breath for 5 minutes).  Oh well.  No we just wait until I am chosen for a specific show and go shoot!  Wish me luck!  I will let you all know more when I do.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. cayce permalink
    January 30, 2009 2:19 AM

    That little EKG thing? Yeah, I rip millions of hairs off unsuspecting men allllll the time!

  2. Kara-Kae permalink
    January 30, 2009 10:06 AM

    Wow that was a really long blog. I honestly didn’t read it because I’m assuming it’s everything you told me last night 🙂 Sooo excited for you anyway! LOVE YOU!

  3. Dad(other one) permalink
    January 30, 2009 10:56 AM

    So you can be color blind and still go on the show?? You may not know if you fall in muddy water or clean!!

  4. Kevin D permalink
    January 30, 2009 11:18 AM

    this is incredible. you’re going to get dominated by the giant balls of madness.

  5. Stephanie permalink
    January 30, 2009 11:22 AM

    Brook –
    Im surprised too! I’ve seen some of those contestants on these “game shows” – not to be rude – but wow! I can’t believe they passed the test!

  6. January 30, 2009 12:27 PM

    You better be either:
    A) Really really horribly bad
    B) Really intersting
    C) Really Good
    D) B & C (That way we see you in the second round)

    Otherwise I will be disappointed if we only see like 5 seconds of you!

  7. tony permalink
    January 30, 2009 12:31 PM

    btw – Kara Kae is white in case you haven’t been told before. I know, I know, she told you she was a different color but, well, welcome to the married life

  8. Kara-Kae permalink
    January 30, 2009 1:19 PM

    crap, this whole time he thought I was a super sexy latino woman. bummer. Hey baby! i read it!! I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Very well written. Glad to know you find things to do after I go to sleep at night 🙂

  9. Dean permalink
    January 30, 2009 2:06 PM

    I never could see those numbers either, I thought they were joking. Heck I even failed the red/green test which can be fun when driving down town and the street lights are sideways…good times

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